❤_R'EINJHEL_❤

Me and i….

Ang daming nagtatanong sa akin kung ano nga ba ang goal ko sa buhay… Sa totoo lang marami…. Pero di na yun tungkol lang sa sarili ko„ but more on my family…..

As for now, gusto kong makalaya.. Free from pain, free from hatred, free from those people na nakakasakit sakin and forgive them as if nothing happens… Gusto kong palayain ang sarili ko sa takot, at sa nakaraan…. Gusto kong itama ang lahat ng mali ko„ and to my husband, nomatter what i do, di ko na kayang ibalik ang dati„ di ko man maisasalba ang aming pamilya pero gagawin ko ang lahat para maging maayos… Di madali ang mga pinag daanan namin, at hanggat di kami nakakapag usap ng maayos, di rin magiging maayos ang buhay namin…

Siyam na taon na ang nakakalipas, lahat ng pangarap ko ginive up ko sa isang tao„ pero ngayon aayusin ko para din sa isang tao, pero sa magkaibang katauhan… Meron akong isang anghel na naghihintay sa pagbabalik ko„ isang anghel na umaasa at nangangarap ng isang maayos na pamilya… Di ko man maibibigay yun ng buo sa kanya, sisiguraduhin kong di yun magiging kawalan sa katauhan niya… Kami pa rin ang magulang niya na magmamahal sa kanya ng buo…

Siyam na taon na ang nakakaraan, andami kong isinakripisyo… Kasi akala ko pag ginawa ko yun magiging maayos ang buhay namin… Pero nagkamali ako„ akala ko pag ginive up mo na ang lahat sau, magiging maayos na rin ang lahat…… Andami kong kinalimutan, andami kong hinayaang mawala, at andami kong nasaktan at binigo dahil sa pag-aasam ng isang maayos at tahimik na buhay…… Pero di pa rin pala sapat………

Ano nga ba ang goal ko sa buhay? At ano nga ba ang magiging buhay ko pagkalipas ng limang taon……

….balak kong mag aral„, gusto kong ipagpatuloy ang iniwan ko… As of starting, im looking for an online university wherein i can work and at d same time makakapag aral ako„ its kinda expensive pero decided akong tuparin ang goal ko„, im planning also na mag apply ng work sa ibang country, sa lugar na magagawa ko ang goals ko at makukuha ko ang anak ko„, alam ko mahirap, madaming challenges„ alam ko din na di biro ang gagawin ko„ pero sabi nga nila, “if u want something, u hev to pursue para makuha mo…. Fight for it..” At gagawin ko yun…….

I can but i can’t……

Here’s something you should know.„,
I have no problem fighting for your love, but I refuses to compete with another girl for it…. See, I can handle a lot of things. You can be a total asshole and I’ll still be with you., We can argue but I cant stay mad at you… You can make some mistakes but I’ll eventually forgive you…. But this i assure you, I can’t handle sharing you with another girl…. If another girl has your attention, if another girl has your interest, if another girl manages to make you fall for her, then don’t expect me to try to win you over cause I shouldn’t have to win something that was already mine…. Don’t expect me to show you why I’m the better girl for you when I’ve proven that to you over and over again. Lastly, don’t expect me to stay while you make up your mind, cause you shouldn’t have to choose in the first place if I had your love all along…..

nòt with him„,

„„Ive been away for atleast 2months, away from work, from old routine, from friends and from hectic schedules…. When i arrived in my own country, i thought it’ll be a very bad vacation„ i thought am not gonna relax like what am always dreaming… Akala ko di ko magagawa lahat ng gusto ko„ but i was wrong….. It was my best vacation ever….!! Full of laughters, some tears but it never ends there… Mas full load ang schedules ko dun but i never feel tiredness„, my day starts at 5:30 in the morning and mostly ends at 2am:) i enjoyed a lot and God knows kung gaano ko gustong bumalik:) and i promised, after 1year babalikan ko ang mga naiwanan ko…… 

Someone completes my day everyday„ not even a chance na iniwan nia ako eventhough miles between us… I wasnt that close to him nung umuwi ako„ attraction i guess but not love… As days passed„, unti unting lumilinaw sa akin ang sitwasyon„ akala ko, im with him kasi am jas thinking of my future… That am jaz being practical…-thòugh i hate that kind-„,  He’s every girls dream, i guess„ not that he can buy nor give everything a girI want, not that he can take me wherever i want without worrying anything, but because, HE UNDERSTANDS ME WELL„ ramdam ko how HE LOVES ME UNCONDITIONALLY…. Sa lahat ng nangyari sakin during my stay in the philippines, HE NEVER LEFT ME„ he never allow me to think uncertain things instead HE taught me to be positive at all times:) 50days away from him, nakita ko lahat ng sacrifices nia, kung paano cia naghintay kahit alam niyang walang kasiguruhan…. 

Yesterday, i arrived safely„ and it surprised me seeing him waiting for me at the waiting area„„ and at that moment, narealized kong ILL NEVER ALLOW HIM OUT OF MY LIFE„ its not that i need him but because, im starting to LOVE HIM deeper and deeper…..„ 

And kanina was our perfect moment„, with a 2 degrees celcius as the temperature, we stayed in the park, holding hands, kwentuhan, reminiscing kung paano kami unang nagkakilala, our feelings dat day, and our feelings at the moment….. Wheww it was so sweet that i almost cry…….after everything happened in my Iife„ ayòkò nang maramdaman pa kung paanò ang magmahaI„ ayòkòng umasa kasi i knòw at the end akò pa rin ang masasaktan kahit binibigay mò na ang Ihat ng kya mò„, im trying tò ignòre my feeIings nòw, but hòw can i if my òne step backward, he take it twice ònward„ im afraid, am gònna Iòve him mòre than what i’ve feIt tò meIvin befòre„, deymm„ i dnt want tò experience pain again„, nòt nòw pIease„ nòt ever„ nòt with sanny„„„

Who unfollwed me?

I’m using FollowerTracker.com to find out exactly who unfollows me…

too-femme-to-function:

I started this Tumblr before the break-up happened, with the intentions of having a place to express opinions that I’d feel uncomfortable with showing to people who know me in person. I didn’t write a single thing until after our love was gone, or at least dying. Then, I started writing because it…

;((

(Source: frustratedfemme)